Remembering my mother's cooking
Whenever I make soup, it would be the soups my mother used to boil for us, from the time we were little kids. They are the best soups ever and even today, my friends and family enjoy the same soups. Alhamdulillah today we know the chicken and all meat must be halal.
Nostaligia about the soups we used to have
Just imagine the wonderful fragrance of old cucumber soup or lotus root soup boiled with red dates, some octupus tentacles and kampung chicken. Or winter melon soup or even the lowly but actually highly nutritious chicken potato, onion and carrot soup, aka ABC soup. Chicken with groundnuts, watercress or spinach soup with friend fish or salted vegetable tofu soup with duck or chicken, lightly spiced with dried chillies and dry tamarind .Also homemade fishball , suhoon/bean vermicelli and mustard greens or Tientsin cabbage soup with chicken and carrots. Oh so nostalgic and so nutritious.
Halal chicken?
After I was married I remember telling my mom to buy halal chicken only. Actually halal food was not emphasised long ago because people presume new Muslims know all about that. Yes they may know but they did not know the importance of eating only halal foods. I did not even know halal merely means permissable and haram is something that is forbidden. It sounded so very foreign and intimidating at that time. Very vague understanding but we plodded along anyway.
A chicken is a chicken. Why must it be Halal now?
My mother, many years ago, asked me "Why is it that you now say you can only eat halal chicken? You had been eating the normal chicken for years ever since you were young. What must you insist?" To put it mildly. Anyway Alhamdulillah, she obliged me though she was unhappy about it. It was a hassle to order halal chicken at that time.. I would worry about her source and I made the vegetable seller who came to the house to give me the name of his chicken supplier. He supplied me a Muslim name and number. I found buying chicken from the supermarket and Ayamas solved the problem..
I could not explain to convince my mother why halal was best. I did not know the wisdom and rationale as well as the benefits of eating halal. I simply did not have enough of the right knowledge at that time.
Horror stories of torture and doubts
Until I heard the grumblings about how chicken were tortured, treated and slaughtered by some mass production facilities. That put me off chicken for a while.
Liquor battles
I had to battle about the wine in the fish and prawns and the brandy in the fruit cake. Actually earlier on I too did not realise about this due importance to carelessness, ignorance or mere indifference. I did not want a full battle in the kitchen so I used to hide the Chinese wine and the brandy, hoping my mother would not remember. I also hid all the expensive brandies my father received as presents from his company.
Struggling in the dark
Many new reverts do not know everything. When they hear of something, they may obey immediately or they may have a time lapse, trying to adjust and realign themselves. So many things to adjust... sometimes its very overwhelming. They need friendship, support and encourage. They need knowledge.
Sometimes we had to go about trying to make our family get used to our way of life without disruptting too much of theirs. We did not know the right way to deal with some sensitive issues. That takes time.
Revert and Converts go together
It is right to say we reverted. Also right to say we reverted and converted. Why? Because we really had to change almost everything we used to think and did and said. From the head to the toe, from the way we ate to the way we dressed. To they way we conducted ourselves, our speech, our thoughts and our source of income. Islam is so complete and thorough. A complete way of life, suitable for all times, until the end of the world. Alhamdulillah.
Misconceptions of Islam caused by Muslims
The believers are not perfect so we sometimes create wrong impressions that make people misunderstand Islam. That is why dawah and islah ( spreading message of Islam) is a way of life for us. Spread the word and help others to find the way to the straight path.
In the past it was not easy to find books published in the language we could understand. It was not easy to find an English translation of Al Quran. Not easy to find sunnah books or hadiths in English. Or it was becasue we did not know where to find them. Actually I had no idea about sunnah, hadiths and all the terminology which sounded Greek, well actually Arab.
Islam is the best Way of Life
Islam is perfect because it is specially chosen for
believers by the Creator. It is available to anyone who believes in that
God is One and we believe in all the prophets and Prophet Muhammade is
the seal of all the prophets. Adam, Abraham, Noah, Moses, Jacob,
Jonah, Joseph and Isa, his name being distorted to become Jesus. All
are prophets of Islam and we love and believe in all of them.
My first translation of Al Quran
My first translation of Al Quran was by Marmaduke Pickthall, an English gentleman. I furtively bought the book and read it quietly. My interest was a well kept secret. People may officially embrace Islam just to be able to marry a Muslim. I had to find a Muslim to marry just to become a Muslim.
Hard to tell Parents I wanted to be Muslim
Funny, isn't it? Just the exact opposite. You see, I was not a very brave girl where my parents were concerned. We were very close and I loved my mother very much. I did not want to upset her and I could not bear to imagine the unhappy scene if I told her I decided to be Muslim. She was quite strong willed and I could not bear to fight with her. Did not know how my father would have taken it as he used to spoil me and I did not want to face his anger or disappointment..
Muslim in name only
Some people who converted did not mind accepting Islam officially. Officially only. Some never bothered much because the man or woman they married was only Muslim in name. Many did not pray or eat pure halal food. Many Muslims only fasted and became very religious only in Ramadan. They then dressed themselves up very beautifully in expensive new clothes to pray at the masjid on day of Eid or Hari Raya, Then they go home to eat and enjoy themselves..
Ignorance is Loss
Whether the spirit of Ramadan was remembered or carried on or abandoned, only Allah knows. Many reverts were like that too. Because they only followed their new Muslim families and thought that was how Muslims live their lives. I had been like that too initially while trying to seek the right knowledge. It was not easy and very trying at times. I think with regret the many times I failed to take best advantage of Allah's generosity and offer for rewards and forgveness. Ignorance is a poor excuse but we learn from our mistakes.
So easier to learn about Islam today
Today many reverts have the great advantage of accessing accurate information on Islam from many sources. There are so many good books published in various languages. Tapes, cds, youtube, seminars, talks, workshops and conventions. Such things were unheard of during the time of earlier converts.
Do not leave our families and loved ones behind
It is never too late and all reverts have to work hard and pray hard to dawah their non Muslim family members. They may be skeptical, angry with us, hurt us or hate us. We do not stop loving them.
Improve ourselves in hope our duaas will be answered
This is something we must never give up and we have to purify ourselves all the time to be closer to Allah. How do we expect our duaas/supplications to be answered if we keep on disobeying Allah? We may not be perfect and we will continue to sin and make silly mistakes. But repent sincerely and never stop believing and hoping that Islam will enter the hearts of our parents and our families.
Only Allah can Guide and Forgive
We cannot change what Allah has predestined for us but he can change whatever He wishes. So we have to strive and make it our continuous struggle to invite our loved ones to the straight path that leads to Jannah/Paradise.Even if we loved our husband or wife very much, blood is thicker than water. We may even change our husbands or increase our wives through divorce or remarriage but we must remain loyal to our parents and love our children and care for relatives..
What happened to my parents? I may write a little about that soon, Insha Allah.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Childhood joys, riots and pets
Did many of you have any pets in childhood?
Did many children grow up with chicken, duck, fish, birds, mice, rabbits, ants, dogs and cats in the home? I am thankful to have experienced all these, of course not all at the same time. I believe it is very good therapy for every adult and child to have a pet. Loving and caring for the pet not only instills responsibility and caring but also helps relax us after a long day . Children especially will benefit most.
During childhood
Perhaps still in my early primary school years, 7 or 8, I remembered my mom and the cook kept around 10 ducks. We lived by the riverside and mom asked the carpenter to build a large elevated duck home on stilts at the end of the backlane, next to the river. It was a quiet and private area, with lush bushes and trees.
The cook was in charge of feeding them and at nightfall, she would call out "dee dee dee dee" (I have no idea why, perhaps just duck talk). All the ducks would return from their foraging or play and line up. When the cook opened the wooden door of their shed, they would waddle up the plank leading up to their home one by one.
Food not Toys
We had no idea that the chicken and ducks were destined to end up in the cooking pot. I refused to eat any of them and got real upset when I knew one of them was going to meets its grisly end.
Perhaps I had eaten some, but without knowing.
Budgerigars
Besides large gold fish and oscar tanks on the ground, my brother had a very large budgerigar cage in the garden. It was quite an experience because we saw and learnt how the the tiny eggs hatched and we ended with so many baby birds. They multiplied and they were beautiful.
They wanted so much to flap their wings and soar, to really stretch their wings. Birds are not meant to be locked up to be admired for our pleasure. One day we released them all.
Singing Merboks
My father somehow got the idea of rearing merboks, the small brownish plain looking birds. They look so ordinary but when they start to warble, they became beautiful song birds. He would put them up on high poles and feed them, water them daily. It provided him some sense of interaction, not with us but with birds. Alhamdulillah he gave up this hobby. Sometimes we forgot all the animals are Allah's creation. They too need to be free .
Sunning birds during curfew
I seem to always recall the riots of May whenever I remember the merboks and playing badminton. The incidents may seem very unrelated but they all happened at the same time and left an impact in my mind.
I still remember it was a few days after May 13, 1969 when we were still playing badminton and hanging birds on poles outside the home during the curfew. One day a man on a motorcycle identified himself as a police detective and ordered us to stay in our homes. He was shocked to see us all in the garden oblivious to the massive riots in the country.
Hilltop Home
We lived right on top of a hill, a small Chinese community of about less than 40 people and all along the way towards the hill top were Malay kampung houses interspersed with a few Chinese homes. The road was Hillview Road, very steep and narrow.
Sweet and wormy cikus
We had a ciku tree in the backyard. Someone told us not to climb the ciku tree to get the fruits. The ciku may be nutritious and certainly succulent and sweet when fresh from the tree. We were told that there a many worms in the fruit. True enough we found fresh wrigglies when we cut the fruit open.
Perhaps that's because even worms know good healthy food and they will avoid those with pesticides. Its us humans who sometimes do not know the difference or do not bother.
A very interesting place to live and many events occurred during our stay. Those incidents deserve a separate entry.
Gangster's Pledge of Honour
I do not know how true, but we were all told that there was no killing and violence in Setapak and Gombak because of a pact between the triads. Gangsters in Gombak made a deal with the Chinese triad not to disturb or harm each other. They probably gave out news of their pact to protect each other. Maybe this was a romaticised version of the agreement but I would like to remember it this way. At least some act of humanity in a crazy time.
Suspicion and Bad Feelings
Worse things happened but I do not want to mention this. Malaysians were peaceful loving people but many became divided, suspicious of each other and angry because of what happened.
Kampung Baru
After a while most of the Chinese community left because of a lot of racial tension. Because of ignorance people began to equate Malay with Islam.
In the end this suspicion and distrust became a very serious disease. It grew and grew and people probably got more afraid because of stories and rumours.
Human Problem
Never judge people by the colour of their skin, their race and their name. Some Chinese were loan sharks, gangsters and robbers 1n 1969 and there are still many Chinese who do the same until today. Some of these scavengers and scum of society never go away. As long as there is corruption, there is evil and vice. These are human problems not race or religion.
Many of my late mother's relatives were from Kampung Baru. They stayed there since they were young. It was home to them and they owned the land. Suddenly they felt unsafe and unwelcome.
Allah knows and sees all.
This riot shattered lives and dreams of innocent people. We cannot point fingers at anyone since we were not there. Neither did we see it with our own eyes. But some details were recorded by historians.
All I know is probably some few people could have benefitted hugely by this cruel chain of events and it scarred our beautiful country for life. I remember watching Tengku Abdul Rahman giving his resignation speech on tv. We were feeling sad to lose him as our much beloved PM. He was a people's PM. We are still trying to repair the damage after 40 years.
Hope for Healing
May Allah heal the hearts and wounds of all our fellowmen and let us live in harmony again, to focus our energy and our lives towards serving Him, in the hope of His good pleasure and the promise of paradise.
Did many children grow up with chicken, duck, fish, birds, mice, rabbits, ants, dogs and cats in the home? I am thankful to have experienced all these, of course not all at the same time. I believe it is very good therapy for every adult and child to have a pet. Loving and caring for the pet not only instills responsibility and caring but also helps relax us after a long day . Children especially will benefit most.
During childhood
Perhaps still in my early primary school years, 7 or 8, I remembered my mom and the cook kept around 10 ducks. We lived by the riverside and mom asked the carpenter to build a large elevated duck home on stilts at the end of the backlane, next to the river. It was a quiet and private area, with lush bushes and trees.
The cook was in charge of feeding them and at nightfall, she would call out "dee dee dee dee" (I have no idea why, perhaps just duck talk). All the ducks would return from their foraging or play and line up. When the cook opened the wooden door of their shed, they would waddle up the plank leading up to their home one by one.
Food not Toys
We had no idea that the chicken and ducks were destined to end up in the cooking pot. I refused to eat any of them and got real upset when I knew one of them was going to meets its grisly end.
Perhaps I had eaten some, but without knowing.
Budgerigars
Besides large gold fish and oscar tanks on the ground, my brother had a very large budgerigar cage in the garden. It was quite an experience because we saw and learnt how the the tiny eggs hatched and we ended with so many baby birds. They multiplied and they were beautiful.
They wanted so much to flap their wings and soar, to really stretch their wings. Birds are not meant to be locked up to be admired for our pleasure. One day we released them all.
Singing Merboks
My father somehow got the idea of rearing merboks, the small brownish plain looking birds. They look so ordinary but when they start to warble, they became beautiful song birds. He would put them up on high poles and feed them, water them daily. It provided him some sense of interaction, not with us but with birds. Alhamdulillah he gave up this hobby. Sometimes we forgot all the animals are Allah's creation. They too need to be free .
Sunning birds during curfew
I seem to always recall the riots of May whenever I remember the merboks and playing badminton. The incidents may seem very unrelated but they all happened at the same time and left an impact in my mind.
I still remember it was a few days after May 13, 1969 when we were still playing badminton and hanging birds on poles outside the home during the curfew. One day a man on a motorcycle identified himself as a police detective and ordered us to stay in our homes. He was shocked to see us all in the garden oblivious to the massive riots in the country.
Hilltop Home
We lived right on top of a hill, a small Chinese community of about less than 40 people and all along the way towards the hill top were Malay kampung houses interspersed with a few Chinese homes. The road was Hillview Road, very steep and narrow.
Sweet and wormy cikus
We had a ciku tree in the backyard. Someone told us not to climb the ciku tree to get the fruits. The ciku may be nutritious and certainly succulent and sweet when fresh from the tree. We were told that there a many worms in the fruit. True enough we found fresh wrigglies when we cut the fruit open.
Perhaps that's because even worms know good healthy food and they will avoid those with pesticides. Its us humans who sometimes do not know the difference or do not bother.
A very interesting place to live and many events occurred during our stay. Those incidents deserve a separate entry.
Gangster's Pledge of Honour
I do not know how true, but we were all told that there was no killing and violence in Setapak and Gombak because of a pact between the triads. Gangsters in Gombak made a deal with the Chinese triad not to disturb or harm each other. They probably gave out news of their pact to protect each other. Maybe this was a romaticised version of the agreement but I would like to remember it this way. At least some act of humanity in a crazy time.
Suspicion and Bad Feelings
Worse things happened but I do not want to mention this. Malaysians were peaceful loving people but many became divided, suspicious of each other and angry because of what happened.
Kampung Baru
After a while most of the Chinese community left because of a lot of racial tension. Because of ignorance people began to equate Malay with Islam.
In the end this suspicion and distrust became a very serious disease. It grew and grew and people probably got more afraid because of stories and rumours.
Human Problem
Never judge people by the colour of their skin, their race and their name. Some Chinese were loan sharks, gangsters and robbers 1n 1969 and there are still many Chinese who do the same until today. Some of these scavengers and scum of society never go away. As long as there is corruption, there is evil and vice. These are human problems not race or religion.
Many of my late mother's relatives were from Kampung Baru. They stayed there since they were young. It was home to them and they owned the land. Suddenly they felt unsafe and unwelcome.
Allah knows and sees all.
This riot shattered lives and dreams of innocent people. We cannot point fingers at anyone since we were not there. Neither did we see it with our own eyes. But some details were recorded by historians.
All I know is probably some few people could have benefitted hugely by this cruel chain of events and it scarred our beautiful country for life. I remember watching Tengku Abdul Rahman giving his resignation speech on tv. We were feeling sad to lose him as our much beloved PM. He was a people's PM. We are still trying to repair the damage after 40 years.
Hope for Healing
May Allah heal the hearts and wounds of all our fellowmen and let us live in harmony again, to focus our energy and our lives towards serving Him, in the hope of His good pleasure and the promise of paradise.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Long Forgotten People I Loved
My long lost relatives
Actually I may still have a few elderly relatives from my father's side whom I have lost track. Some children of my grand aunt, i.e. my late grandpa's brother's children, their children and their children.
Cousin May
Its quite a shame, really because though we all got along well enough, we did not love each well enough to keep in touch. My cousin May is around my own age. The last time I heard of her was she got married and settled in Hong Kong. Also heard she spent her days with the other tai tais (married ladies of leisure) playing mahjong. If I am not mistaken, I also heard she asked for a divorce later on. She could have a brother, I do not even remember, what a poor relative I am.
Courageous Defender of the People
Her father, my father's cousin was a policeman during the communist insurgency. People used to sleep comfortably in bed while the police and soldiers defended the country.
He was a tough and brave officer, stationed in the communist infested areas of Bentong, if I am not mistaken. The enemies all knew about him, nicknamed Chili Padi. They did not fool around with him. He was one agressive and brave fighter.
My mom said he was a very playful young man, always playing traunt but would burn the midnight oil before his exams. And he would excel in his exams.
All the vices
My uncle was a very terrible gambler. Once he mentioned he went to Genting for a gambling session. He took a metal box full of cash with him. He was the type who would follow his nafs (vain desires) and throw caution to the winds. A very controversial guy.
Once he said a driver was speeding recklessly near Federal House near Bukit Aman, the police headquarters. This man threatened my uncle on the road, probably for slowing him down and tried to assault him. Uncle Y W got so fed up with him that he took out his gun and aimed it at him. The bully panicked and took off very quickly, just like a frightened rabbit.
My grandma said my uncle was such a sweet talker that he could a talk a bird to sit in his hand. That's how persuasive he could be.
Marriage Breakdown affect family for life
My uncle was afraid of no one, being raised by my grandparents as he had a very irresponsible father. I do not remember ever having met granduncle before. He was probably outcast.
1st Part Time Job
Sweetie Danker and I worked in an ngo, sending appeal letters to people in the telephone directory, asking them to donate for charity to support the Association for the Prevention of Tuberculosis. Many people were still affected by this life threatening disease. TB is making a comeback to this part of the world lately, its curable if discovered early.
It was a happy place and my first job before I continued my studies. It was a very nice and peaceful place to work. Small wonder, since my grandfather was the Secretary General there and I got chauffeur driven everyday to work and back. The pay was not much but I learnt how to work with others and enjoyed my new responsibilities.
My grandfather a very active man
My grandfather was a very active man, even in his 70s. He had his own insurance agency and was also on the Board of School Governors in some school I was too young to be bothered to notice.
We always received VIP treatment whenever we went out with my grandparents. Dato' Ng my grandpa was also an active Rotary member and as on the board of the National Social Welfare Department and Pure Life Society. I was fascinated with the way he lived his life, serving in so many ngos and also his own work successfully.
Those Were The Days...
Those were the days long gone. Gone yes, but not forgotten. What we have after we lived our lives is only a treasury of memories. Some so very sweet like the heavenly taste of honey. Some memories so absolutely bitter till it hurts so bad and some just bitter sweet, enough flavour for us to take a few lessons from them. The impact strong enough to still motivate us to improve our lives, to learn who to trust and who to let go, even if they were our dearest friends before.
Learning from History
I had lost many opportunities to learn about family history from my grandparents and even my own parents though I remember some stories . Maybe some were very sad stories, I had no desire to know more. Yet my mother would repeat them, maybe to use them as lessons to guide her children. Or maybe to purge all the bitter and dark memories of her youth.
Follies of Youth
Some were events beyond her control, some were human weaknesses, like being impatient or intolerance of other people's weaknesses. Intolerance is two way. Its a struggle that may take years to overcome. Islam encourages us to be patient, to be tolerant, to be humble, think good, to be generous and most of all, to tawakkal to Allah. ( make effort, trust and leave the rest to Allah).
Life is full of stories, both happy and sad
My mother had an interesting life. She also shared the happy memories of youth. Its such a complex time, to be happy and sad at the same time. I guess it does happen to many people. Unhappy events would be pushed far back into the deep recesses of the mind, hoping to be forgotten, trying to forgive and trying to heal through time.
Allah Heals us with Time
Allah SWT is Kind, He heals us bit by bit, sometimes as much as we desire. We some times hold the key but when we had the chance to turn the key and open the lock to escape from our sadness or misery, we hold back. Is fear of the unknown? There is nothing to lose if what we want to do is something permitted by Allah SWT. We have to trust in Allah and free ourselves to live again.
Actually I may still have a few elderly relatives from my father's side whom I have lost track. Some children of my grand aunt, i.e. my late grandpa's brother's children, their children and their children.
Cousin May
Its quite a shame, really because though we all got along well enough, we did not love each well enough to keep in touch. My cousin May is around my own age. The last time I heard of her was she got married and settled in Hong Kong. Also heard she spent her days with the other tai tais (married ladies of leisure) playing mahjong. If I am not mistaken, I also heard she asked for a divorce later on. She could have a brother, I do not even remember, what a poor relative I am.
Courageous Defender of the People
Her father, my father's cousin was a policeman during the communist insurgency. People used to sleep comfortably in bed while the police and soldiers defended the country.
He was a tough and brave officer, stationed in the communist infested areas of Bentong, if I am not mistaken. The enemies all knew about him, nicknamed Chili Padi. They did not fool around with him. He was one agressive and brave fighter.
My mom said he was a very playful young man, always playing traunt but would burn the midnight oil before his exams. And he would excel in his exams.
All the vices
My uncle was a very terrible gambler. Once he mentioned he went to Genting for a gambling session. He took a metal box full of cash with him. He was the type who would follow his nafs (vain desires) and throw caution to the winds. A very controversial guy.
Once he said a driver was speeding recklessly near Federal House near Bukit Aman, the police headquarters. This man threatened my uncle on the road, probably for slowing him down and tried to assault him. Uncle Y W got so fed up with him that he took out his gun and aimed it at him. The bully panicked and took off very quickly, just like a frightened rabbit.
My grandma said my uncle was such a sweet talker that he could a talk a bird to sit in his hand. That's how persuasive he could be.
Marriage Breakdown affect family for life
My uncle was afraid of no one, being raised by my grandparents as he had a very irresponsible father. I do not remember ever having met granduncle before. He was probably outcast.
1st Part Time Job
Sweetie Danker and I worked in an ngo, sending appeal letters to people in the telephone directory, asking them to donate for charity to support the Association for the Prevention of Tuberculosis. Many people were still affected by this life threatening disease. TB is making a comeback to this part of the world lately, its curable if discovered early.
It was a happy place and my first job before I continued my studies. It was a very nice and peaceful place to work. Small wonder, since my grandfather was the Secretary General there and I got chauffeur driven everyday to work and back. The pay was not much but I learnt how to work with others and enjoyed my new responsibilities.
My grandfather a very active man
My grandfather was a very active man, even in his 70s. He had his own insurance agency and was also on the Board of School Governors in some school I was too young to be bothered to notice.
We always received VIP treatment whenever we went out with my grandparents. Dato' Ng my grandpa was also an active Rotary member and as on the board of the National Social Welfare Department and Pure Life Society. I was fascinated with the way he lived his life, serving in so many ngos and also his own work successfully.
Those Were The Days...
Those were the days long gone. Gone yes, but not forgotten. What we have after we lived our lives is only a treasury of memories. Some so very sweet like the heavenly taste of honey. Some memories so absolutely bitter till it hurts so bad and some just bitter sweet, enough flavour for us to take a few lessons from them. The impact strong enough to still motivate us to improve our lives, to learn who to trust and who to let go, even if they were our dearest friends before.
Learning from History
I had lost many opportunities to learn about family history from my grandparents and even my own parents though I remember some stories . Maybe some were very sad stories, I had no desire to know more. Yet my mother would repeat them, maybe to use them as lessons to guide her children. Or maybe to purge all the bitter and dark memories of her youth.
Follies of Youth
Some were events beyond her control, some were human weaknesses, like being impatient or intolerance of other people's weaknesses. Intolerance is two way. Its a struggle that may take years to overcome. Islam encourages us to be patient, to be tolerant, to be humble, think good, to be generous and most of all, to tawakkal to Allah. ( make effort, trust and leave the rest to Allah).
Life is full of stories, both happy and sad
My mother had an interesting life. She also shared the happy memories of youth. Its such a complex time, to be happy and sad at the same time. I guess it does happen to many people. Unhappy events would be pushed far back into the deep recesses of the mind, hoping to be forgotten, trying to forgive and trying to heal through time.
Allah Heals us with Time
Allah SWT is Kind, He heals us bit by bit, sometimes as much as we desire. We some times hold the key but when we had the chance to turn the key and open the lock to escape from our sadness or misery, we hold back. Is fear of the unknown? There is nothing to lose if what we want to do is something permitted by Allah SWT. We have to trust in Allah and free ourselves to live again.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Losing Life or Limb, which is worse.....?
Be Truly Thankful
Alhamdulillah! All Praise to Allah SWT for our daily blessings. I can walk, I can talk, can see, can speak and can think. I can eat and laugh, love and cry. All these are truly blessings that we take for granted. We may be aware but at times we forget.
Early Call
Last week an old friend passed away. I got a phone call early in the morning. We made more calls but it was fated that we had to miss joining the family to send him off on his last journey.
Farewell
Rest in Peace dear brother in Iman. May Allah forgive all your sins and accept all your good deeds. May He give you a place in the highest Jannah/Paradise, to be reunited with your friends and loved ones in the Hereafter.
Successful and Extremely Wealthy
This brother had been a very busy and successful businessman. He was a kind and generous man and often helped the needy.
Hospitalised Overnight
Suddenly this brother was hospitalised for a heart ailment. It must have been so serious that in order to save his life, the doctors had to put him into induced coma. While in coma , it was reported that his leg developed a serious blot clot . Upon doctor's and specialist advice, they did all they could to save him.
When he woke up, he discovered someone had amputated his leg, right up to his hips. It was a very traumatic shock for him, someone who had been battling for his life while under coma.
We had no idea he had been going through this ordeal. Once we were informed, we invited a group of friends and well wishers to visit him
A Shadow of His Old Self
When we met him he looked frail and weak. His voice was soft and gentle, patient and humble. He looked a shadow of his old self. I was very touched by the drastic change in him. Though he looked weak, I really liked the way he looked, the way he spoke and the far away look in his eyes. He looked very peaceful and strong in iman.
"I was very disappointed and could not accept what had happened to me. It took me a long time to accept Allah SWT's decision".
Borrowed parts, borrowed time
Everything belongs to Allah. We must all return to him one fine day. He can take anything He wishes. It is easy for Him.
His home was specially designed and was colossal. It had the necessary recreational facilities like a lift, large halls, badminton and tennis courts, open spaces and perhaps swimming pool. I remembered he once mentioned he wanted to build a pool so his son could swim. What a loving father. When we are sick all the worldly pleasures mean nothing to the person. I am sure he could have considered giving all all his wealth in exchange for his good health.
Tough to Lose a Limb
It is of course not easy for anyone to lose a limb or even the little finger. We need every part of our body. Even if our wrist or hand is hurt, we are unable to work, write or even drive properly. Its obviously painful and difficult to move about without help. Its really uncomfortable and tiring to sit too long with one leg gone.
He had to go for physiotherapy regularly and the long journey was long and bumpy. Everything took extra effort and it was lonely because everyone else would be working or doing other things.
Truly Thankful
He however slowly added something like "I'm now thankful for what happened to me. If I still had my good health, I would still be busy making money and more money. Now I spend my time reading Al Quran, I do my dzikir."
Impression in my Mind
His words stuck in my mind and I was thankful to Allah that this brother finally grew to appreciate Allah's decision and accept His destiny with humble patience and wisdom.
My heart went out to him and I really admired him for his patience and humility. I liked the new man I saw before me.
Wisdom
There is always good and wisdom behind anything that happens to us. This brother was tested and he made daily effort to increase his iman (faith). He was protected from trials and tribulations of the business world. Allah is Most Merciful.
Seeing beyond the obvious
People may have felt sorry to see him so different from his healthy days but sometimes what we see is just an illusion. We have to wake up and learn to see beyond that. He had found something more valuable spiritually and not everyone can see that.
Alhamdulillah! All Praise to Allah SWT for our daily blessings. I can walk, I can talk, can see, can speak and can think. I can eat and laugh, love and cry. All these are truly blessings that we take for granted. We may be aware but at times we forget.
Early Call
Last week an old friend passed away. I got a phone call early in the morning. We made more calls but it was fated that we had to miss joining the family to send him off on his last journey.
Farewell
Rest in Peace dear brother in Iman. May Allah forgive all your sins and accept all your good deeds. May He give you a place in the highest Jannah/Paradise, to be reunited with your friends and loved ones in the Hereafter.
Successful and Extremely Wealthy
This brother had been a very busy and successful businessman. He was a kind and generous man and often helped the needy.
Hospitalised Overnight
Suddenly this brother was hospitalised for a heart ailment. It must have been so serious that in order to save his life, the doctors had to put him into induced coma. While in coma , it was reported that his leg developed a serious blot clot . Upon doctor's and specialist advice, they did all they could to save him.
When he woke up, he discovered someone had amputated his leg, right up to his hips. It was a very traumatic shock for him, someone who had been battling for his life while under coma.
We had no idea he had been going through this ordeal. Once we were informed, we invited a group of friends and well wishers to visit him
A Shadow of His Old Self
When we met him he looked frail and weak. His voice was soft and gentle, patient and humble. He looked a shadow of his old self. I was very touched by the drastic change in him. Though he looked weak, I really liked the way he looked, the way he spoke and the far away look in his eyes. He looked very peaceful and strong in iman.
"I was very disappointed and could not accept what had happened to me. It took me a long time to accept Allah SWT's decision".
Borrowed parts, borrowed time
Everything belongs to Allah. We must all return to him one fine day. He can take anything He wishes. It is easy for Him.
His home was specially designed and was colossal. It had the necessary recreational facilities like a lift, large halls, badminton and tennis courts, open spaces and perhaps swimming pool. I remembered he once mentioned he wanted to build a pool so his son could swim. What a loving father. When we are sick all the worldly pleasures mean nothing to the person. I am sure he could have considered giving all all his wealth in exchange for his good health.
Tough to Lose a Limb
It is of course not easy for anyone to lose a limb or even the little finger. We need every part of our body. Even if our wrist or hand is hurt, we are unable to work, write or even drive properly. Its obviously painful and difficult to move about without help. Its really uncomfortable and tiring to sit too long with one leg gone.
He had to go for physiotherapy regularly and the long journey was long and bumpy. Everything took extra effort and it was lonely because everyone else would be working or doing other things.
Truly Thankful
He however slowly added something like "I'm now thankful for what happened to me. If I still had my good health, I would still be busy making money and more money. Now I spend my time reading Al Quran, I do my dzikir."
Impression in my Mind
His words stuck in my mind and I was thankful to Allah that this brother finally grew to appreciate Allah's decision and accept His destiny with humble patience and wisdom.
My heart went out to him and I really admired him for his patience and humility. I liked the new man I saw before me.
Wisdom
There is always good and wisdom behind anything that happens to us. This brother was tested and he made daily effort to increase his iman (faith). He was protected from trials and tribulations of the business world. Allah is Most Merciful.
Seeing beyond the obvious
People may have felt sorry to see him so different from his healthy days but sometimes what we see is just an illusion. We have to wake up and learn to see beyond that. He had found something more valuable spiritually and not everyone can see that.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
What does Ah Kam look like?
What does Ah Kam look like?
Ah Kam is a short and fairly stout woman. She has thick naturally wavy silver white hair and smiling eyes. She always wears a big smile on her face and that is how I picture her all the time.
Uncle Jimmy was very ill
When Ah Kam was young, my uncle Jimmy fell seriously ill. He could not work and she had to spend her time working extra hard to make ends meet. The children were all very young, still in primary school. Alhamdulillah my mom and few close relatives managed to help ease her burden a bit.
Learning about sharing
My mother showed true spirit of sharing. She herself did not have much money but our house was always full of food all year round. My father was stingy with other things but he was generous with food. We also had a good housekeeper and cook plus 2 childminders., for me and my brother.
Sharing is caring
I would watch mom pack cans of food and other vegetables into some plastic bags. She would also pack her used clothes to be distributed to all of Ah Kam's needy relatives in the villages. People were waiting in line for my mother's used clothes. She used to sew a lot and many of her clothes were beautifully embroidered. She enjoyed sewing so she kept on giving clothes away to make way for new ones. Alhamdulillah.
Life in the new villages
Many people were very poor in the new villages. With so many mouths to feed it was not easy for some of them. People would consider our family well off compared to them. We were only just an average family but we lived well. Alhamdulillah. That was lots of blessings from Allah SWT.
Honest lady
Besides sharing food and clothing, mom would also loan money to her. Nothing much, but just enough for her to roll. Ah Kam was an honest lady. It took her years to repay all the loans extended to her by family , friends and the sundry shop. She could hold her head up high as she fulfilled her obligations. I am proud of her.
Hair turned silvery white overnight
One day, as a child, I noticed Ah Kam's hair had turned silvery grey. My mother said her hair turned white because of the great stress she had been bearing all those years. It left a great impact on me. I could see that human suffering could change a person's life so much.
Family holidays in Port Dickson
I loved my cousins and we used to meet whenever we had our school holidays in Port Dickson. Uncle Jimmy had a sister who also helped to care for the family. Poor Uncle Jimmy was so ill that he could not work for years. During his long stay in the hospital, he somehow learnt how to knit. I remember he knitted a bright chilly red woollen cardigan with beautiful cable stitch for me. I was a shy girl and red was too overpowering for me. I did not wear it.
Red is too much for me
Now when I think about it, it showed my lack of affinity with red. Till today, I feel red generally just a bit too much. Its beautiful but I only admire it from afar. I rather prefer burgundy or dark pink. However I appreciated his kindness and he remained one of my favourite uncles.
Happy Memories
The large bungalow facing the beach near Si Rusa Inn was a happy experience for us. It belonged to uncle Jimmy's family. We spent many happy holidays there. Facing the sea and beach which was clean and unpolluted during our childhood.
My mom would bring butter cookies, cake and other home made goodies on these trips. The adults would cook there and also teach each other special dishes. I remembered the men went out to catch crabs in the middle of the night.
Great Cooking Adventures
Several of the ladies who joined us regularly were excellent cooks. They cooked wonderful meals and learnt from one another. My mother learnt and years later, when I grew older, taught me Emperor's Chicken, a stuffed chicken baked in foil. It was filled with lots of mushrooms, potatoes, carrots, innards and seasoned with soya sauce and other condiments. Everyone enjoyed that whenever we served it.
Being Poor does not stop us from Helping Others
My mom used to repeat Ah Kam's favourite phrase. "I may be poor, but I am able to help others by contributing my time and my energy. Others can provide cash whereas I can provide the energy and effort." It had rubbed off on us since a young age. Mom and Ah Kam motivated each other to do good and to help those in need.
Inheriting mom's clothes
When mom passed away aunt asked me to give her some of mom's clothes. She wanted to wear them to feel close to mom. I promised her. One day I went there with possible 30 pieces or more of mom' s clothes. I had to give almost all away as the memories were too heavy to bear at that time.
Mom loved to dress well and she also could sew and embroider beautifully. I have kept some for another sister who wanted a momento.
Looking like mom
Last week when we went to visit Ah Kam, she was wearing mom's blouse, a white top with red and black flowers. It fitted her perfectly. My brother remarked quietly that she reminded him so much of mom when he saw her wearing that. Sad memories.
Hoping for a miracle
I am proud that my uncle and aunt successfully raised good children and they in turned raised good children of their own. I only feel sad they did not receive the knowledge of Islam. I did try to share ineffectively many years ago but perhaps I did not handle it well. They did not get any benefit from my efforts. I am having the faint hope that my aunt may miraculously discover the beauty of Islam. Still trying. Ameen.
Ah Kam is a short and fairly stout woman. She has thick naturally wavy silver white hair and smiling eyes. She always wears a big smile on her face and that is how I picture her all the time.
Uncle Jimmy was very ill
When Ah Kam was young, my uncle Jimmy fell seriously ill. He could not work and she had to spend her time working extra hard to make ends meet. The children were all very young, still in primary school. Alhamdulillah my mom and few close relatives managed to help ease her burden a bit.
Learning about sharing
My mother showed true spirit of sharing. She herself did not have much money but our house was always full of food all year round. My father was stingy with other things but he was generous with food. We also had a good housekeeper and cook plus 2 childminders., for me and my brother.
Sharing is caring
I would watch mom pack cans of food and other vegetables into some plastic bags. She would also pack her used clothes to be distributed to all of Ah Kam's needy relatives in the villages. People were waiting in line for my mother's used clothes. She used to sew a lot and many of her clothes were beautifully embroidered. She enjoyed sewing so she kept on giving clothes away to make way for new ones. Alhamdulillah.
Life in the new villages
Many people were very poor in the new villages. With so many mouths to feed it was not easy for some of them. People would consider our family well off compared to them. We were only just an average family but we lived well. Alhamdulillah. That was lots of blessings from Allah SWT.
Honest lady
Besides sharing food and clothing, mom would also loan money to her. Nothing much, but just enough for her to roll. Ah Kam was an honest lady. It took her years to repay all the loans extended to her by family , friends and the sundry shop. She could hold her head up high as she fulfilled her obligations. I am proud of her.
Hair turned silvery white overnight
One day, as a child, I noticed Ah Kam's hair had turned silvery grey. My mother said her hair turned white because of the great stress she had been bearing all those years. It left a great impact on me. I could see that human suffering could change a person's life so much.
Family holidays in Port Dickson
I loved my cousins and we used to meet whenever we had our school holidays in Port Dickson. Uncle Jimmy had a sister who also helped to care for the family. Poor Uncle Jimmy was so ill that he could not work for years. During his long stay in the hospital, he somehow learnt how to knit. I remember he knitted a bright chilly red woollen cardigan with beautiful cable stitch for me. I was a shy girl and red was too overpowering for me. I did not wear it.
Red is too much for me
Now when I think about it, it showed my lack of affinity with red. Till today, I feel red generally just a bit too much. Its beautiful but I only admire it from afar. I rather prefer burgundy or dark pink. However I appreciated his kindness and he remained one of my favourite uncles.
Happy Memories
The large bungalow facing the beach near Si Rusa Inn was a happy experience for us. It belonged to uncle Jimmy's family. We spent many happy holidays there. Facing the sea and beach which was clean and unpolluted during our childhood.
My mom would bring butter cookies, cake and other home made goodies on these trips. The adults would cook there and also teach each other special dishes. I remembered the men went out to catch crabs in the middle of the night.
Great Cooking Adventures
Several of the ladies who joined us regularly were excellent cooks. They cooked wonderful meals and learnt from one another. My mother learnt and years later, when I grew older, taught me Emperor's Chicken, a stuffed chicken baked in foil. It was filled with lots of mushrooms, potatoes, carrots, innards and seasoned with soya sauce and other condiments. Everyone enjoyed that whenever we served it.
Being Poor does not stop us from Helping Others
My mom used to repeat Ah Kam's favourite phrase. "I may be poor, but I am able to help others by contributing my time and my energy. Others can provide cash whereas I can provide the energy and effort." It had rubbed off on us since a young age. Mom and Ah Kam motivated each other to do good and to help those in need.
Inheriting mom's clothes
When mom passed away aunt asked me to give her some of mom's clothes. She wanted to wear them to feel close to mom. I promised her. One day I went there with possible 30 pieces or more of mom' s clothes. I had to give almost all away as the memories were too heavy to bear at that time.
Mom loved to dress well and she also could sew and embroider beautifully. I have kept some for another sister who wanted a momento.
Looking like mom
Last week when we went to visit Ah Kam, she was wearing mom's blouse, a white top with red and black flowers. It fitted her perfectly. My brother remarked quietly that she reminded him so much of mom when he saw her wearing that. Sad memories.
Hoping for a miracle
I am proud that my uncle and aunt successfully raised good children and they in turned raised good children of their own. I only feel sad they did not receive the knowledge of Islam. I did try to share ineffectively many years ago but perhaps I did not handle it well. They did not get any benefit from my efforts. I am having the faint hope that my aunt may miraculously discover the beauty of Islam. Still trying. Ameen.
Long Trip to Kajang
Stopping for a Quick Lunch
Alhamdulillah! We had just enough time to stop by the roadside near her house for a quick meal. There is a stall near the flats that is very popular and food is very fresh and hot. I figured I'd better grab a quick bite, just in case. I could not enjoy my bihun soup, tahu sumbat (fried tofu stuffed with cucumber and bean sprouts, served with sweet chilli sauce. I could not resist the hot crispy prawn fritters but could not finish that either. I lost my appetite. I was getting a bit worried. Just tawakkal (do what we can and leave the rest to God).
Ah Kam Alive and Well! Alhamdulillah!
As we drove up, the maid happened to be outside. Alhamdulillah Ah Kam appeared quickly at the doorway. I was relieved. I was thankful I was not too late. It would have been a great shame and I would have to kick myself for waiting for the right time.
Of course we dared not mention that we were afraid something fatal had befallen her. No news for for long! Yet always apprehensive for her calls as I would feel bad thatI did not call often enough and did not visit. I really dread driving all the way there. Driving stresses me out as I have to also send my brother home after the long journey.
No Right or Perfect Time
There is no right time, its hard to get the perfect moment when the car would be in perfect condition, enough money to fill a full tank to get there, money, presents.... But I did want our visits to be special for her. She had so little to look forward to since my uncle Jimmy passed on a few months ago.
Lost Her Job as Wife and Carer
Uncle Jimmy died in his sleep, in his favourite chair in front of the television. I missed him. when I visited to inform my aunt that my mom had passed away, Ah Kum signalled to me not to let my uncle find out. He was very close to my mom and it would have upset him a lot.
Nothing to Do - Nothing to Look Forward To
After so many years of caring and supporting her family, her last job was taken from her. She lost her position as wife and carer when her husband passed on. Though he left her with some small inheritance, she could not utilise it as it has to be saved for a rainy day. Perhaps it would used for the fateful trip to the hospital should she fall ill. Her children provides her the basic necessities and she has a roof over her head, a helper to clean the house and help a little in the kitchen.
Caring for the Family for many years
The house is cool and fairly roomy after everyone left the nest. May, the eldest daughter, husband and 2 daughters had stayed with her and the rest would return home daily for their dinner. Ah Kam had continued to cook for her large brood of 12 adults and children. Cooking non stop, without a real long break all those years until the children were in their teens. How long was that? Fifty years of her life?
Power of Mother's Love
She used to say she was so tired but the children still needed her to care for the grandchildren and to cook for them daily. It was an act of love to give so much of herself. I know many mothers do this too. The power of a mother's love.
Happy Chinese New Year, Ah Kam
I wished my aunt "Happy Chinese New Year". Asked her "How was your new year? ". Did the children come home for the reunion?". Her second daughter and her entire family are staying in Singapore since last year. The boys are in college there. She said "Yes, they all came home, the house was full of people." I asked " How long did they stay?".
She was quiet for a while. "They only stayed for a day. Everybody left after that". I was really surprised. I felt really bad because it was special moment for her, new year was always full of people, sharing, laughing, eating together. It was a long holiday but only one day? Maybe they had to go back to work and travelling back by car would take time.
Muslims have to make many excuses for people and try not judge. After all, we have no idea of other people's lives. We have to try to think good, though its quite challenging at times.
Wisdom in Old Age
I tried to change the subject, talked about the coolness of the house, how it did not face the setting sun. She said she was thankful she had a roof over her head. "To me, the most important things I need are a few roof tiles over my head and some food". She knows she does not need a lot of worldly things to survive, she is not bothered with such things anymore.
Sacrificing something we love for the sake of Allah
I was glad I could still muster up a decent ang pow, since I did not visit for so long. She took it quickly from me, as if afraid I would change my mind. She had been very polite every time I gave her money, telling me its not necessary, although she would pocket it all the same. (Smile)
Justified for Making Greater Effort
This time she showed for a moment that what I gave was perhaps needed. I felt justified. I want her to know Muslims are caring and I did emphasise that we do make effort to do certain good deeds because it is required of us as Muslims. Just trying to share beauty of Islam.
My brother commented that this year she did not give him or my son any angpow. He did not mention that he had not given her any ang pow either.
Perhaps she had used up all her pocket money to give a treat to her visiting children and grandchildren. Perhaps she really does need some support. She is not the kind of person who would want to burden her own children or anyone else. Some of them earned well enough but they may have other commitments. I did not ask. No point to ask if we cannot really help. It just adds insult to injury.
Alhamdulillah! We had just enough time to stop by the roadside near her house for a quick meal. There is a stall near the flats that is very popular and food is very fresh and hot. I figured I'd better grab a quick bite, just in case. I could not enjoy my bihun soup, tahu sumbat (fried tofu stuffed with cucumber and bean sprouts, served with sweet chilli sauce. I could not resist the hot crispy prawn fritters but could not finish that either. I lost my appetite. I was getting a bit worried. Just tawakkal (do what we can and leave the rest to God).
Ah Kam Alive and Well! Alhamdulillah!
As we drove up, the maid happened to be outside. Alhamdulillah Ah Kam appeared quickly at the doorway. I was relieved. I was thankful I was not too late. It would have been a great shame and I would have to kick myself for waiting for the right time.
Of course we dared not mention that we were afraid something fatal had befallen her. No news for for long! Yet always apprehensive for her calls as I would feel bad thatI did not call often enough and did not visit. I really dread driving all the way there. Driving stresses me out as I have to also send my brother home after the long journey.
No Right or Perfect Time
There is no right time, its hard to get the perfect moment when the car would be in perfect condition, enough money to fill a full tank to get there, money, presents.... But I did want our visits to be special for her. She had so little to look forward to since my uncle Jimmy passed on a few months ago.
Lost Her Job as Wife and Carer
Uncle Jimmy died in his sleep, in his favourite chair in front of the television. I missed him. when I visited to inform my aunt that my mom had passed away, Ah Kum signalled to me not to let my uncle find out. He was very close to my mom and it would have upset him a lot.
Nothing to Do - Nothing to Look Forward To
After so many years of caring and supporting her family, her last job was taken from her. She lost her position as wife and carer when her husband passed on. Though he left her with some small inheritance, she could not utilise it as it has to be saved for a rainy day. Perhaps it would used for the fateful trip to the hospital should she fall ill. Her children provides her the basic necessities and she has a roof over her head, a helper to clean the house and help a little in the kitchen.
Caring for the Family for many years
The house is cool and fairly roomy after everyone left the nest. May, the eldest daughter, husband and 2 daughters had stayed with her and the rest would return home daily for their dinner. Ah Kam had continued to cook for her large brood of 12 adults and children. Cooking non stop, without a real long break all those years until the children were in their teens. How long was that? Fifty years of her life?
Power of Mother's Love
She used to say she was so tired but the children still needed her to care for the grandchildren and to cook for them daily. It was an act of love to give so much of herself. I know many mothers do this too. The power of a mother's love.
Happy Chinese New Year, Ah Kam
I wished my aunt "Happy Chinese New Year". Asked her "How was your new year? ". Did the children come home for the reunion?". Her second daughter and her entire family are staying in Singapore since last year. The boys are in college there. She said "Yes, they all came home, the house was full of people." I asked " How long did they stay?".
She was quiet for a while. "They only stayed for a day. Everybody left after that". I was really surprised. I felt really bad because it was special moment for her, new year was always full of people, sharing, laughing, eating together. It was a long holiday but only one day? Maybe they had to go back to work and travelling back by car would take time.
Muslims have to make many excuses for people and try not judge. After all, we have no idea of other people's lives. We have to try to think good, though its quite challenging at times.
Wisdom in Old Age
I tried to change the subject, talked about the coolness of the house, how it did not face the setting sun. She said she was thankful she had a roof over her head. "To me, the most important things I need are a few roof tiles over my head and some food". She knows she does not need a lot of worldly things to survive, she is not bothered with such things anymore.
Sacrificing something we love for the sake of Allah
I was glad I could still muster up a decent ang pow, since I did not visit for so long. She took it quickly from me, as if afraid I would change my mind. She had been very polite every time I gave her money, telling me its not necessary, although she would pocket it all the same. (Smile)
Justified for Making Greater Effort
This time she showed for a moment that what I gave was perhaps needed. I felt justified. I want her to know Muslims are caring and I did emphasise that we do make effort to do certain good deeds because it is required of us as Muslims. Just trying to share beauty of Islam.
My brother commented that this year she did not give him or my son any angpow. He did not mention that he had not given her any ang pow either.
Perhaps she had used up all her pocket money to give a treat to her visiting children and grandchildren. Perhaps she really does need some support. She is not the kind of person who would want to burden her own children or anyone else. Some of them earned well enough but they may have other commitments. I did not ask. No point to ask if we cannot really help. It just adds insult to injury.
Meaningful Silatul Rahim and Dawah Effort
My Dear Aunt
My mother had a very close friend and confidante, we call her Ah Kam, meaning aunt who is married to her foster brother, Jimmy Loh. Her name is Kueen.
So Difficult to Break Bad News
Ever since I had to break the sad news that my mom had already passed away a month before she was told, she was very stressed about the welfare of the rest of us. She kept saying, I do not have anyone to care much for me now. Do not lose contact, tell me what is happening to all of you.
She wanted us to inform her if there was anything wrong, she wanted to visit and to see my father. She was really upset she could not see my mom just one time. How could I add to her sadness to tell her mom was suffering too much and we ourselves were too devasted to do enough . Once we admitted her into the hospital, we are unable to control the flow of events. Allah knows best.
Difficult Decision
It was indeed a very difficult decision to send a loved one to hospital as we know it will all be about drugs, rules and regulations and sometimes human trial and error. Yet if we choose to keep them at home, how educated or skillful are we to know how to take care of a seriously ill person? Can we take that great responsibility? Its indeed painful to send my parents to the hospital during emergency.
Keep me informed, she pleaded
I still remember her words. She wanted to be informed but we could not do that. When my father passed away suddenly, just hours after he fell, I could not bear to be the bearer of sad news again. This time we had to go all the way to her house in Cheras, almost at the Kajang border. When I broke the news to her, she was of course very upset.
Allah is Merciful
We consoled her and said it happened so quickly. We were thankful he did not lie suffering in bed for years, with a broken back or fractured ribs. Allah SWT is most Merciful. My father was returned to Allah very swiftly, with a minimum of prolonged suffering.
Of course I did not tell her how he fell, on his head, fracturing it and blood was visible on the cold terrazo floor. He was unable to speak words of farewell, but Allah knows best. It sounded like his throat was blocked by the blood but we did not know what do do. He could not respond. There was no choice but to call the ambulance.
Hard to Say Farewell
Maybe it would be just too emotional and painful for the final parting. No matter how we leave this worldly life, there will be blessing when we redha (accept with patience and even be pleased with the decision).
We are so very minute in the universe yet we are often arrogant and reckless
What do we really know, we are just little bits of dust that float in one tiny universe of universes. Allahu Akbar. We are sometimes so self centered that we think of nothing but ourselves, our needs, our feelings and our opinions. We forgot to be grateful or humble. May Allah forgive us.
Aunt is making the effort, not us
Anyway, Ah Kam continued to call us on the phone every now and then, when she did not hear from us. That is my weakness, I do not like call people on the phone unless its work or some ngo activity. I actually prefer do spend the day doing what I have to do without too much social interaction.
Perhaps its my way of saving my sanity from too much information overload. I get a barrage of sms and calls on a regular basis from people who want information, assistance and worst of all , money! That is something I just do not have enough to pass around. I feel sorry for some genuine cases and they really deserve support and attention.
Bad Phone!
Few months ago I lost her phone number as my phone was automatically deleting vital contacts as fast as I could add them on again. Its my 3rd phone in one year so I was really reluctant to replace it. I tried a hardy phone, a cheaper one, a more costly one, different makes, they all still behaved really badly. So I am still going around with a phone with a bad attitude.
Why No Sound from Aunt Kueen?
Over 3 months must have passed and I only received one call from Ah Kam. It did not occur to me to check her number because I assumed her number was still registered in the phone. When we tried to call her before Chinese New Year, we could not get her. She too did not call. I began to miss her calls.
My turn to wonder is Ah Kam dead or alive?
We had neglected her due to our own work and personal problems. I also had to save some cash to give her every time we visited her. Nothing much but a few hundred ringgit every few months may help her buy some little luxuries or food she enjoyed. Her children provides her with food and a helper so she had the basic necessities.
Maintaining Ties of Kinship
In Islam we are supposed to continue the friendship and good relationship of our parents with their close friends or relatives. Ah Kam is now our responsibility. Last week we decided to visit her wind, rain or shine. I was getting worried and began to feel guilty for neglecting her.
I was hoping she would still be sitting, alive and well, in her gloomy dark hall when the car pulled up to the front of her gate.
My mother had a very close friend and confidante, we call her Ah Kam, meaning aunt who is married to her foster brother, Jimmy Loh. Her name is Kueen.
So Difficult to Break Bad News
Ever since I had to break the sad news that my mom had already passed away a month before she was told, she was very stressed about the welfare of the rest of us. She kept saying, I do not have anyone to care much for me now. Do not lose contact, tell me what is happening to all of you.
She wanted us to inform her if there was anything wrong, she wanted to visit and to see my father. She was really upset she could not see my mom just one time. How could I add to her sadness to tell her mom was suffering too much and we ourselves were too devasted to do enough . Once we admitted her into the hospital, we are unable to control the flow of events. Allah knows best.
Difficult Decision
It was indeed a very difficult decision to send a loved one to hospital as we know it will all be about drugs, rules and regulations and sometimes human trial and error. Yet if we choose to keep them at home, how educated or skillful are we to know how to take care of a seriously ill person? Can we take that great responsibility? Its indeed painful to send my parents to the hospital during emergency.
Keep me informed, she pleaded
I still remember her words. She wanted to be informed but we could not do that. When my father passed away suddenly, just hours after he fell, I could not bear to be the bearer of sad news again. This time we had to go all the way to her house in Cheras, almost at the Kajang border. When I broke the news to her, she was of course very upset.
Allah is Merciful
We consoled her and said it happened so quickly. We were thankful he did not lie suffering in bed for years, with a broken back or fractured ribs. Allah SWT is most Merciful. My father was returned to Allah very swiftly, with a minimum of prolonged suffering.
Of course I did not tell her how he fell, on his head, fracturing it and blood was visible on the cold terrazo floor. He was unable to speak words of farewell, but Allah knows best. It sounded like his throat was blocked by the blood but we did not know what do do. He could not respond. There was no choice but to call the ambulance.
Hard to Say Farewell
Maybe it would be just too emotional and painful for the final parting. No matter how we leave this worldly life, there will be blessing when we redha (accept with patience and even be pleased with the decision).
We are so very minute in the universe yet we are often arrogant and reckless
What do we really know, we are just little bits of dust that float in one tiny universe of universes. Allahu Akbar. We are sometimes so self centered that we think of nothing but ourselves, our needs, our feelings and our opinions. We forgot to be grateful or humble. May Allah forgive us.
Aunt is making the effort, not us
Anyway, Ah Kam continued to call us on the phone every now and then, when she did not hear from us. That is my weakness, I do not like call people on the phone unless its work or some ngo activity. I actually prefer do spend the day doing what I have to do without too much social interaction.
Perhaps its my way of saving my sanity from too much information overload. I get a barrage of sms and calls on a regular basis from people who want information, assistance and worst of all , money! That is something I just do not have enough to pass around. I feel sorry for some genuine cases and they really deserve support and attention.
Bad Phone!
Few months ago I lost her phone number as my phone was automatically deleting vital contacts as fast as I could add them on again. Its my 3rd phone in one year so I was really reluctant to replace it. I tried a hardy phone, a cheaper one, a more costly one, different makes, they all still behaved really badly. So I am still going around with a phone with a bad attitude.
Why No Sound from Aunt Kueen?
Over 3 months must have passed and I only received one call from Ah Kam. It did not occur to me to check her number because I assumed her number was still registered in the phone. When we tried to call her before Chinese New Year, we could not get her. She too did not call. I began to miss her calls.
My turn to wonder is Ah Kam dead or alive?
We had neglected her due to our own work and personal problems. I also had to save some cash to give her every time we visited her. Nothing much but a few hundred ringgit every few months may help her buy some little luxuries or food she enjoyed. Her children provides her with food and a helper so she had the basic necessities.
Maintaining Ties of Kinship
In Islam we are supposed to continue the friendship and good relationship of our parents with their close friends or relatives. Ah Kam is now our responsibility. Last week we decided to visit her wind, rain or shine. I was getting worried and began to feel guilty for neglecting her.
I was hoping she would still be sitting, alive and well, in her gloomy dark hall when the car pulled up to the front of her gate.
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